Sara K. Smith’s article Break-Dancing Will Kill You is blowing up on b-boy message boards all across the great internets. Her observation that the “devilsport” of “break-dancing” will only lead its participants to a “painful fate of maiming and despair” seems to have rubbed many a b-boy and b-girl wrong.

Even more infuriating to readers is this statement:

“Parents, if you have children who break-dance, tell them to stop immediately. And if they don’t, you might as well just give them a good clubbing on the knees. They’ll accomplish the same effect on their own soon enough! “

The good news? It appears to be satire. Take a look at her other articles and you’ll see that she picks whatever ridiculous thing she catches in the news and spins it into an over-the-top dramarticle (I made that word up, hope it sticks). The article is based on a real study, but a study of only 144 dancers makes for inconclusive (at best) results.

The bad news? People don’t know that it’s satire. It’s entirely possible that many of you readers will be getting phone calls from parents in the next few days saying “THE NEWS SAYS YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!!” and pleading with you to stop your insane “haberdashy.”

Who knows if Sara K. Smith really hates b-boying, all I know is that we’ll be closing down More Than A Stance and giving up b-boying as a precaution. Hey, better safe than sorry.